As a very private person, I am having to learn how to have a blog, being my authentic self with readers who I may never have met or with whom I may never have exchanged a word. Even before Brené Brown’s TED Talk, I knew how important it was to be vulnerable and open, but it hasn’t come naturally to me.
If you haven’t seen Brené Brown’s TED Talk, click on the link above. She is a researcher–storyteller who is both entertaining and wise. One of my favorite lines from that TED Talk is, “You know how there are those people who, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are so important, they surrender and walk into it? A. That’s not me and B. I don’t even hang out with people like that.” Brené states that the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy to have a sense of love and belonging. I never felt that I belonged– anywhere and feeling worthy was always a struggle. Yet, in more recent years, I have felt worthy and as a result, more of a sense of belonging.
As a child, I lived a “secret life” of evening escapes/ escapades that no one knew, not even my friends at school. I grew up in Oakland, California and I didn’t have much freedom during the day, under the watchful eye of my mother and others. My mother tried to keep my every waking moment scheduled so I wouldn’t get into trouble in the neighborhood. She just didn’t realize that I didn’t require much sleep and could escape in the evenings. This image below looks like some of the graffiti that could be found near where I lived.
My point is that I have always been secretive; I even had secret “clubs” as a child. Some were so secret that I was the only member. (ha) In some ways, I am beginning to think that I started and committed to this blog to really challenge myself. I have no regrets; I am becoming more of who I am supposed to be with each post. Nevertheless, sharing intimate details of my life with unknown others is definitely daunting.
A couple of days ago, I had a discussion with a friend about trust. We were discussing the varying levels of trust, which really made me think. You might trust someone to drive you to the store, but not with access to your bank account. You might trust someone with your money, but not with your life. There are so many variables relating to trust. Because trust has been such an issue in my life, it is something that I want to delve into more in my next post. After all, I know I am not the only person who has struggled with issues of trust!
In her next TED Talk, Brené Brown states, “vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” Yes, you should view that TED Talk also; check out the link above. This is where I learned that my choice to be vulnerable actually reveals great strength. I had always thought of vulnerability as a weakness and I spent most of my life working hard not to display any signs of weakness to avoid being perceived as prey. This blog proves that I can be vulnerable; perhaps I am even stronger than I’ve ever imagined.
As always, thank you for taking the time to read!