This has been the most challenging blog post for me because I have so much I want to write. Additionally, I have a lot of topics I want to discuss within trust, privacy and vulnerability. (What was I thinking? I should have picked one of those and not all three). LOL Finally, I don’t want to have a part 3 to this blog post, so I am severely editing my thoughts. I have to face the fact that this post will mostly encompass trust and some vulnerability.
When I lived in California, I had a lot of acquaintances and some amazing friends. I haven’t had the same friends throughout my life. Regardless of fault, undergoing ever-changing friendships can be exhausting and lead to issues of trust.
I know that if I visited California today, most of my friends and I could pick up our friendship where we left off 11 years ago because it was that strong. However, being separated by thousands of miles, we all make excuses not to remain in regular contact. It is easy to say that our lives are busy, different or the timezone gets in the way. But, the truth is that just like plants, we cultivate the friendships we want to grow.
This blog is from the viewpoint of an optimist, so I am not going to spend time in this post explaining about all the people who have wronged me or those I have wronged. Besides, I have some of the most wonderful friends now and am so fortunate! But, I will share a couple of lessons I have learned from my past.
When people are hurt, their true nature reveals itself. For example, that previously polite, “soft-spoken” friend can instantly turn into a verbal volcano of maniacal rampage if he/she is hurt. In such instances, I have learned to let go and move on. I no longer need to be right, so it doesn’t affect me if the other person has “the last word.” In my world, life is simply too short for negativity. In the past, I would lose some trust in mankind with each incident, but now I evaluate each person on his or her own merit. I never consider a friendship lost when something extremely negative is the outcome; I might need to discuss it with a close friend, but then, I actively seek the lesson I was supposed to learn and implement it. I am always grateful for learning and can readily move on.
If a person is playing the role of a victim, villain, martyr or any antihero, there is nothing you or anyone else can do to help them break that cycle until he or she makes the decision to break it. People need to train their brains. An untrained brain is likely to wander aimlessly and fall into a vat of hazardous waste. Regardless of how strong someone is, a friend cannot be rescued or prevented from falling; they have to detoxify themselves, then carry or pull their own weight.
Sometimes, when friends are on opposing paths, the kindest thing you can do for both parties is to cut ties, but leave the lines of communication open for the future. Remember that everyone learns at their own pace. You can only honor your journey by not attempting to influence someone else’s. Yet, by keeping the communication lines open, you ensure that the person will reach out to you in their own time.
As always, thank you for taking the time to read!